Happy nearly 19 weeks of existence, my little fella! You are now the size of a bell pepper, although, by the size of my tummy, one might guess you were closer to the size of a large gourd or small pumpkin! I must take a moment to thank you for your recent attempts at getting my attention - admittedly, I first thought I was simply having a case of misplaced soda bubbles, but it soon became obvious that either your little fists or your tiny feet were hard at work against the lining of your snug little home. I don't blame you! You must have inherited your momma's claustrophobia. I would be itching for a little more space too in your position.
You know, it's pretty incredible the way that carrying you around has opened my mind and heart to all of the stimuli coming at me from all directions right now. It's beautiful and poetic but also terrible because not all of it is lovely, and all I want to do is build a wall around little you and keep it all outside. I want to make you a fortress of iron! A castle of stone and steel! But, guess what! No amount of rock or metal will keep you safe and sound.
My challenge is not to protect you with force...but with peace.
Your favorite band, The Beatles, seemed to have a pretty decent grasp of the human condition - one might not think so should one only be familiar with their earliest work, but like your momma, they seemed to gain a lot of insight once those all too telling 30s rolled around. Perhaps the greatest advice they had to offer is both the title and defining lyric of their most popular ballad, "Let It Be" which speaks of peace through acceptance that sometimes...searching for an answer is like trying to find your keys. They inevitably will not show up until you've stopped looking and moved on to something else equally or even more important.
Then you find them in your sock drawer. Or in the pantry. Or in the box with the single-serve coffees.
And, sometimes, it's not your keys that have you desperately searching. More often then not, true understanding is the real precious lost item, and the search for it can be more than just frustrating. It can tear you to pieces. Your Aunt Liz tells your mommy all the time that trying to figure out why people and things are the way they are is only beneficial to a point. Then...you just have to let go, give up the search and let it be. I ache already anticipating the day that someone says an unkind word to you...or makes you the butt of a joke...because I know that your impulse will be to figure out what made them say it and why. I know this because your daddy and I both come wired that way. Your chances of being easy-going in the grand life lottery are slim. (although, I'm sending all of my positive energy into that corner!)
Knowing this, I want to share with you that, now and again, the answer...really isn't that important. What The Beatles were really preaching when they wrote "Let It Be" is the philosophy of Detachment. What that means, sweet boy, is that there are things in life we cannot control, comprehend or give context....all we can do is let them be. In our house, we live like this: give as often as you can; do good for others as much as possible; be kind even when it is hard; learn from every hardship or mistake. Daddy and I are not 100% good at following our own set of mantras, but we try very hard, and knowing you are coming makes us try even harder. Having little ideals like this helps us focus on what is important when things happen that we just can't understand or impact.
That's a lot to take in, Little Man - especially for a being no bigger than a Florida sized avocado, but if you can just remember that sometimes, all the answers don't have to be up to you, I'll feel much better sending you off to school one day where kids can be buddies one day and bullies the next. You needn't worry anyway because I'll be having one heckuva chat with THEIR mommas if I hear they were mean to you. Kindly....of course. ;)
Now...I've put off your dinner long enough. What's that you say? Ah! Pancakes it is. I like the way you think, Little Man. And, I love you bigger than all the stars in the sky and fish in the sea.
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